The Sexy Six

Six Crushes I Can’t Explain (And Have Ruined My Boyfriend’s Self-Esteem)

No. 1: Nikki Sixx

(Bassist for 80s hair metal giant, Motley Crue)

One of my earliest memories is at the age of 4, sitting in Laura Ashley while my sister tried on dresses, crying because he wasn’t my boyfriend. You can blame my older brother and Hit Parader for that one.

No. 2: Martin Luther King, Jr.

(Preacher and activist)

No, I am not just including this one to redeem myself for No. 1 (though it should be noted that Nikki Sixx did write the lyric “Martin Luther brought the truth / the colour of our blood’s the same.” [nevermind that Martin Luther could be misconstrued as the Catholic German guy who once put a pamphlet on a door]). In second grade, I wrote a paper about Martin Luther King Jr. because we were learning about the library and had to research our heroes. Reading about him and his life, I fell in love with him, even at my young age of 7. It didn’t matter that he was older than me, or married with kids older than me, or was – perhaps most importantly – dead at the time. I would revisit his work closely in both high school and college and fall in love with him all over again. We really haven’t had anyone like him again, have we?

No. 3: Michelangelo

(Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle)

From the movies, not the animated tv show…because that would just be weird. Cowabunga, dude!

No. 4: Kevin Spacey

(Actor)

Because he terrified me in Seven, was brilliant in Usual Suspects and then was hilarious on David Letterman. Because of House of Cards, because of his on-stage performance as Richard III, because he photobombed a nice lady tourist in Boston. Oh my god you guys: still. I don’t care which team he bats for.

No. 5: Benito Santiago

(Catcher for the San Francisco Giants, 2001 – 2003)

Speaking of batting for teams…(see what I did there?) ……Yeah, I can’t explain this one either.

No. 6: Marlon Brando*

(Actor)

*But only in Streetcar Named Desire.

I know what you’re thinking: the man was gorgeous. And he was! (Though not so much in his later work). But here’s the thing: he only did anything for me as Stanley Kowalski in Streetcar Named Desire. Nothing else I saw him in moved me to near tears the way his first appearance in Streetcar did. As Kowalski he was always angry and raging, covered in sweat from the New Orleans heat, sucking chicken grease off his fingers, covered in oil from working on his car, screaming I AM NOT A POLLACK! This will make you understand the crush. Knowing Stanley Kowalski is a wife-beating sister-in-law rapist will make it much more confusing.  [Ed. Note: Spoiler Alert?]

Any “celebrity” crushes from your past that you can’t explain but still stand behind?

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